Snapchat is great. It makes us feel like our friends care about us so much they want to share bits of their life with us. In reality most people are really only paying attention to one Snapchat story: their own. This doesn’t mean all snapchats are bad. A nice video of a treasured pet playing fetch, or snap of a sunset after a solid hike can brighten the day of the “best friends” that receive it and the stalkers that religiously clear the snapchat story cache.
However, all too often I find people using the medium incorrectly. This isn’t to say I don’t make mistakes with it as well. I’ve probably been guilty of all the indiscretions listed below more often than most. However, even at the risk of losing snaps from the friends I’ll indirectly call out here, I’ve compiled a list of the worst types of snapchats to receive.
1. People you’re hanging out with that I don’t even know
Oh hey is that Tony that I met one time when you brought him to my BBQ? No? Oh nevermind then. Is that Kari who you’re always talking about? No? Someone else? Why did you send this to me then? Because you thought I’d care that you’re with two people I’ve never seen before having a beer? I don’t.
2. Multiple Concert Snaps
Looks like you’re about 40 feet away from the stage. Good thing you wrote “THIS IS MY FUCKING JAM” in the text line because the tiny band in the distance and shitty audio make it really easy to know what group you’re seeing. No chorus, epic drop, or crowdsurfing adventure can be done justice in 10 seconds of below average quality video.
3. This is what you’re watching on TV
Cool dude. You’re watching Orange is the New Black Season 2. It’s so awesome that you put your microwaved popcorn into a bowl so it looks nice. Wow did that bottle of wine cost $9 instead of $5? Things are really looking up for you. Oh is that a shot of your feet poking up from under a blanket with a laptop displaying your favorite character at your side? You’ve really enriched my life by sharing this with me.
4. You partying on a Tuesday
I wake up on Wednesday morning to the following: 12:43 AM, you arrive to the club and cheers drinks with a bunch of other people who also inexplicably don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow. 1:33 AM, you’re outside smoking a cigarette while yelling at someone off screen. 3:04AM and your buddy is passed out on the floor with a drawing of a stick figure peeing on him. Honestly, how do you manage to pull this off? Don’t you have shit to do? I guess not but thanks for making me feel worse about the shit I have to do.
5. You trying to actually communicate something
When you send over a selfie that says “Sup?” am I supposed to respond? I might feel like a jerk if I do and then you don’t reply because it was just a selfie. I’ll definitely feel like a jerk if I don’t reply and you get mad at me because you so obviously reached out. Throw my name into the text bar if you want me know that this is something personally targeted. Because it’s never safe to assume.