A year or two ago a friend’s girlfriend showed me my profile on LuLu, an app in which women review men. I was taken aback and immediately full of questions. Was there really some sort of secret society of digital women judging my every move? I understood why my humor might be ranked so highly but is my ambition really only worthy of a 7.5/10? Who filed me under these complimentary hashtags #SmellsAmazeballs, #NerdyButILikeIt, #NiceToMom, and this mean one, #ADD?
It was a strange experience to say the least. LuLu had pulled information from what is made publicly available on my Facebook and built out a profile which I had no way to know even existed. Downloading the app was login-walled so that only those listed as female on Facebook had access. Clearly desperate, a male peer of mine had even gone so far as to create a female Facebook account in his attempts to thwart the system and see his score.
Perhaps scariest of all regarding the app today is the sheer volume of activity. LuLu recently made available a client for males, which among other bits of info I’d be better off not knowing, lets me know how many girls are checking me out every day. “Who is this guy??? 10 girls have checked you out today,” LuLu tells me. “Stud alert! 3 girls have checked out your profile.”
“Who’s watching me LuLu?” I typically cry out as tears drip onto my iPhone screen. “What women are viewing me through the lens of presumable ex-lovers-scorned?” I may never know. LuLu now provides the option for men to delete their account (as opposed to just keeping them in the dark as to their existence). However, I threw the idea of quitting the app out the window when I saw the look of disappointment, confusion, and self-doubt on a peer’s face as he downloaded the app and realized he had no reviews.
Now, not all the news delivered by the app is bad. In the new male version, I’m treated to “Sex Eds” that arrive in my LuLu notifications daily. The Sex Eds offer me insider info such as “10 texting habits that annoy women” and allow me to view survey questions answered by “Girls I know.” This part seems a bit conspicuous, likely because whenever I ask female friends if they’ve reviewed, used, or even heard of the app, they deny any knowledge.
Is this because we’ve stumbled upon some horrible secret? I can’t imagine that LuLu is some sort of gigantic women’s club that men have remained strangely unaware of in this age of information availability. I would, however, think that reviewers must find some shame in using the application. What if the roles were reversed and men were reviewing the women they’ve dated? I don’t think an app where a bunch of dudes secretly demarcate “#DoesntPutOut” on girls Facebook pages would be well received in the public sphere.
My theory is that girls are not really using the app, and LuLu is fudging the numbers on my digital stalkers. So with this I ask you, female readers of Thelma: do you use LuLu? Do you know what it is? Are you the girl that says I “#CantBuildIkeaFurniture”? (My Mälm dresser still works great, jerk). Let us know in the (anonymous) poll below and perhaps us boys can get a little more clued in.