Frankenfood: a revolutionary creation that mixes outrageous and unexpected ingredients in delicious and unique flavors.

or Frankenfood: taking something delicious on the inside and disguising it with something deceptive on the outside

That’s one way to put it. Another potentially less flattering way to describe a Frankenfood is:

Frankenfood: a monstrous food abomination dreamt up by a bored chef attempting to “astonish” and “delight” a public whose tolerance for insane food creations is steadily rising.

So with that in mind, let’s pick play the Frankenfood Game! Pick which concoctions really exist and which were dreamt up by a depraved maniac! (Me). Scroll to the bottom for the answers.

1) The Cali Croissy

A smoked salmon sushi roll, complete with pickled ginger and wasabi, all inside a croissant, served with soy sauce.


2) The Banana Bacon pizza

A thin crust pizza topped with mozzarella, fatty bacon slices and bananas.


3) Kimchi Cheesecake

Japanese style cheesecake drizzled with kimchi sauce and baked in a kimchi flavored


4) Captain Crunch Fun Sticks with Mustard Sauce

Take a steak, cut it up, cover it in ground-up Captain Crunch powder, fry it, and then add a delicious mustard dipping sauce.


5) The Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich

A fried egg and two slices of bacon, slightly peppered and sandwiched between two glazed donuts.


6) Fried PB&J Fish Sticks




1) REAL! “Be afraid, for the end is nigh upon us.”

2) REAL! “This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.”

3) NOT REAL/DISPUTED. A picture of an alleged “Kimchi Cheesecake” surfaced on Tumblr. When this reporter investigated further, the trail ran cold. For the sake of all that is holy, we can only hope that Kimchi Cheesecake does not exist. “It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”

4) NOT REAL. “Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!”

5) REAL! And maybe my favorite Frankenfood of all time, because Jim Gaffigan actually predicted that this monstrosity would come into being. He is the 21st century Nostradamus, a prophet of disaster(ous foods). “If the Apocalypse comes, beep me.”

6) REAL. So terrifyingly real. The above are normal fish sticks. “And after these things I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth, holding the four winds of the earth, that the wind should not blow on the earth, nor on the sea, nor on any tree.”