Whenever my friends fight, I seem to be in the middle of their arguments and I feel obligated to pick a side. Lately, however, it’s been hard for me because my favorite celebrities seem to be getting into fights and I can’t be there for them emotionally during these difficult and trying times. Most of all, as a spectator, I don’t get the complete story about their particular disagreements, which makes it all the more complicated when choosing whose side I’m on. I’ve struggled with this but finally came to the following conclusions on a number of feuds:
AMBER ROSE AND KHLOE KARDASHIAN
Earlier this week, Khloe and Amber took to Twitter to fire shots at each other. The fight stemmed from Amber calling out Tyga, Kylie Jenner, and the Kardashian-Jenner matriarchy in a radio interview where Amber disapproved of Tyga’s inappropriate relationship with Kylie. Khloe understandably defended her family because that’s what big sisters are for.
When the dust settled and the tweets stopped, I felt like I needed to pick who I was going to support in the very likely possibility that I run into Khloe or Amber at the local mall and they ask me for my opinion. It was difficult because both women made good points: 1) Someone should say something about Tyga’s relationship with Kylie and 2) Maybe Amber shouldn’t air out other people’s dirty laundry and maybe she should speak to the Kardashian-Jenner family about it privately.
However, they resorted to petty name-calling and hurtful, misogynistic memes that made me sad. And I wasn’t down with that. No one really got back to the root of the problem, which is that a 25-year-old man is dating a 17-year-old child. Ultimately, I know this isn’t any of my business. At the end of the day this argument is between Amber, Khloe, the law, and everyone on Twitter. I’m on Amber’s side but I just wish it didn’t unravel in such an ugly, mean way.
DRAKE AND TYGA
In Drake’s latest mixtape, there’s a line directed at Tyga, telling him to “act his age and not his girl [Kylie’s] age.” Tyga tweeted and went on The Breakfast Club radio show to respond but it doesn’t even matter what he said because I’m not hearing it.
I’m just worried about Drake fighting. Why is everyone so rude and aggressive? Why is he incredibly arrogant like he’s the one who created rap? Like he’s the 6 God or something? I’m asking Drake to relax because his face is already such a strangely proportioned mash-up that I don’t want anyone to punch him in case they make his face look weirder. Be careful, Aubrey!
FLOYD MAYWEATHER AND 50 CENT
Maybe you missed this beef because it happened right around the same time as the Ice Bucket Challenge and everyone was busy complaining about wasting water in drought-stricken California and the idiotic notion that it wouldn’t raise any money for ALS. But I digress.
50 Cent bet Floyd Mayweather that he wouldn’t be able to read a page out of a Harry Potter book without messing up, insinuating that Floyd Mayweather doesn’t know how to read. I chose to be on 50 Cent’s side because “In Da Club” continues to be such a banger and I like the way he said, “A Harry Potter book” in his Instagram video. I also thought it would be hilarious to hear Floyd Mayweather read about Harry and muggles and You-Know-Who.
TAYLOR SWIFT AND KANYE/KATY PERRY/MISOGYNISTS
Is this even worth mentioning? Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift forever. Taylor Swift wins. My girl Tay is a good person with a big heart and I know because I read this piece.
The Kanye beef is old and boring and I don’t even want to talk about it. I should note, though, that the two posed together for adorable pictures at this year’s Grammys. They also recently had dinner this week. (Possibly to bury the hatchet, to ask Tay to be Nori’s godmother, or, I don’t know, collab on a song!!!!)
Taylor Swift is an angel and Katy Perry is ~ problematic ~ and I’m yawning just thinking about her. I ride for Taylor Swift so hard that literally everyone else is at fault. I don’t want to hear the details. I just know Taylor wouldn’t hurt anyone intentionally unless they deserved it. (Why didn’t you just go to her birthday party, Jake?!)
Tay is on the up and up and arguing with people who choose to slut-shame is exhausting. There are plenty of think pieces you can read on other blogs about how you shouldn’t vilify her for daring to date a normal number of men in her youth. She doesn’t even date anymore; all she does is hang out with her fans and model friends.
I’m the kind of person who wouldn’t put someone on blast all over the Internet. I’m petty but at least I’m secretive about it. I only wish my faves would do the same because fighting makes me queasy and it stresses me out like, “Great, now I gotta pick whose side I’m on.”
Not to be fake deep but I still believe that people are inherently good. If Tay and Ye can overcome their differences there’s hope for an Amber and Khloe reconciliation in the future! I know we aren’t entitled to specific details of celebrities’ personal lives, and we shouldn’t treat their problems as Twitter entertainment. These people aren’t our friends; they don’t owe us anything but relatable lyrics we can use for Snapchat/Instagram captions. But sometimes the day-to-day ennui of an office job can get me so down that I need a little drama on my social media feeds. And who better to supply this kind of inconsequential fight than celebrities who are paid millions of dollars for existing?
(No, seriously though, someone arrest Tyga.)