Contrary to popular belief, I am extremely delightful to be around. I’m even fun on Sunday nights, which are super tough for people who don’t have real problems.
None of my friends are ever truly happy, but they are unhappiest on Sunday nights. Monday is irrefutably the worst day of the week, obviously, but Sunday is almost as bad. There’s a shift that occurs on Sundays—a creeping, familiar dread that envelops you, forces you to switch from Weekend Mode to Work Mode. Maybe it’s unfair to ridicule Sunday because of its proximity to Monday, but if we’re being real with ourselves, Sunday is practically a work day.
I never want my friends to be sad so I wrote this guide on how to turn your Sad Sundays into Tolerable Sundays.
WATCH TV
Sunday night is peak TV night. The lineup is amazing: baseball, Game of Thrones, and Veep. This kind of quality programming can take your mind off work or school or the drunken fight you had with your boyfriend the night before. But make sure not to watch Mad Men. Mad Men’s deep cynicism is too heavy for people who suffer from Sunday Night Sadness. Matthew Weiner prompts us to question our existence like we’re on some Jaden Smith shit. Like: “Is this all there is? Will Don and I ever find happiness? Are psychics real and do I need to tip them?” Avoid Mad Men. You don’t want a reminder that your life is meaningless. You don’t need to torture yourself with that kind of reflection because Sundays are hard enough already. You know what’s way fun and not at all super bleak? Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Also on air Sunday nights.
DRINK
Live it up on Friday and Saturday. Psych yourself up for a relaxing Sunday by getting super drunk on Saturday night even though you have the flu and bars are too loud. You’ll wake up at noon on Sunday (just in time for brunch!) feeling like death, but with the knowledge that at least the day is half over and you’re that much closer to 5 PM on Friday. You can spend the next several hours in bed dozing in and out of sleep. You don’t even have to feel guilty about wasting an entire day recuperating because it is imperative that your body gets the rest it deserves before going back to work.
REPENT
In addition to the serious dread I feel on Sundays (and Mondays, and Tuesdays, and every day), I’ve had a rough few weeks. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why a good person like me would be punished the way I’ve been. For starters, there was a mouse in my room and my dad wasn’t the least bit sympathetic. And the other day, my legs stopped working and I fell on the ground! See? Terrible. Tripping is a strange sensation because you know you’re falling but you aren’t quick enough to steady yourself. Oh, and also everyone sees the panic in your eyes and there’s no way to mask that genuine fear.
That fall was the catalyst I needed to start wondering why my life has been awful lately. I think my recent undeserved misfortunes are due to the fact that I haven’t been to church in over three years. Sundays are perfect for holiness and repentance because that’s the day churches hold services. Church is awesome for daydreaming, doodling, and relaxing.
SURRENDER
After church (if you’re afraid of hell) or hungover brunch (if you went to college and became an atheist), Sunday dread will start to creep up on you. It’s inevitable. You might remember that you have homework to do or a project you have to start at work. At this point, it’s best to simply ride it through. The Sunday Saddies always win and it’s easiest to accept the all-encompassing ominous feeling of the upcoming work week. Don’t worry, you’ll stop feeling this impending doom when you retire! At least it’s not forever!
GROW UP
Listen, you’re an adult. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes a mouse eats your SkinnyPop. Sometimes you have to think about someone else other than yourself. Sundays are for cleaning and laundry and eating cookies. That’s life. Deal with it. Also, my dad told me that he’s never heard of a news report of a mouse killing a human so I should be fine.
To be perfectly honest, the only surefire way to get through the Sunday Night Blues is to surround yourself with people you like. Find people to commiserate with because every once in awhile, you’ll be rewarded with moments of pure joy amidst the dreary work week. Those are the moments I live for, and they get me through really difficult days. Sometimes I even forget that I’m supposed to be sad on Sunday nights.
Or just do the five other aforementioned things in this listicle. I don’t know. Figure it out yourself. Learn how to cope with your own problems.
