How to Destroy Love like a Millennial

If you google “Millennial Dating,” the results are article after article after article about all the problems with it: fear of intimacy, fear of vulnerability, left swiping, ghosting, phubbing… the list goes on and the words get dumber, and it all has to do with how we young folks hide… [Read More]

Which Jonas Brother is Right for You?

In October of 2013, The Jonas Brothers (the unit) broke up and became the Jonas brothers (the individual humans) and millions of girls around the world went into a tailspin (not me though, I handled things just fine). Since then, they’ve embarked on new and exciting projects, and Kevin does… [Read More]

How to Enjoy The Bachelor Without Actually Watching It

For reasons I don’t understand and never care to, Bachelor in Paradise and all other iterations of the show have taken over every social circle on the planet, leaving it impossible for me engage in the meaningful daily discussions about climate change or, like, Joe Jonas’ Instagram account. Everyone watches… [Read More]

Netflix is a Bad Boyfriend

This is an intervention. I’m here because I care about you. I know Netflix seemed exciting at first, because he showed you all kinds of things you’d never seen before. He was new and different. He let you be yourself. He liked you with no make up, and he never… [Read More]

Drunk Movie Review: ‘Jurassic World’

My first DMR (Drunk Movie Review, of course) happened because I was too afraid of outer space to see Interstellar sober. My second one happened because Fifty Shades of Grey is fucking stupid. Jurassic World had the potential to be both stupid and scary, and so here we are. Also,… [Read More]

How to Cope When Your Celeb Crush Turns Problematic

If you know me, and you’re good at picking up on subtlety, you know that from time to time, I’ve expressed a totally casual, passing interest in Vince Vaughn. Are me and Vince Vaughn astrologically compatible I will literally change my birthday — Colleen Healy (@leenie11) April 15, 2015 And… [Read More]

Obama Tweets: Behind the Scenes of the POTUS Twitter Feed

This past Monday, President Obama bust through the doors with his own personal Twitter account, stating that “they” finally let him have one after six long years. There’s some speculation as to what has been holding the President back all this time, but here at Thelma, we’re well connected and… [Read More]

Will The Last Scene of ‘Mad Men’ Ruin Our Lives?

Don Draper doesn’t love me. I’ve foolishly become far too invested in every inch of his psyche, and in less than two weeks he’s going to kiss me and tell me to order myself some breakfast, and then walk out of my life forever. With the series finale approaching, I’ve… [Read More]

How to Date When You’re Afraid of Dating Apps

Amy Schumer was recently on Ellen, and upon being asked if she was dating, she answered, “No, I’m not on any of the dating websites.” This made me panic. Because Amy Schumer is kind of my Messiah based on everything else she said on Ellen that day, and she said it… [Read More]

The Dos and Don’ts of Unemployment: An Expert’s Guide

If I have one specialty in life, it’s choosing the most transient and financially unprofitable professions available to me. Part of this has to do with the fact that God has graced me with only useless talents. I tried to learn HTML and couldn’t, but I have won every limbo… [Read More]