It was a foggy morning in Toledo, Ohio at one of several local McDonald’s. The day started off like any other, with customers happy they woke up early enough to get McMuffins walking triumphantly out the doors of the restaurant. That is until Melodi Dushane showed up.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KnmH4yiObw&w=420&h=315]

Dushane, a 24 year old McNugget fiend and Toledo native, appeared at the window prior to the start of standard McDonald’s luncheon hours. She was more than a little upset to find out that the tasty chicken-based snack product was not ready to be made available to the public. Her anger, although not entirely irrational, did not warrant her threat to assume her ultimate form. Cue up the video and read along with my time stamps to gain a deeper understanding of this beautiful bit of content.

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  • :03  – Coming in hot right off that bat, it is clear Dushane was upset after being told at the drive thru speaker that she would not be receiving McNuggets at this time. Unlike a normal customer, Dushane did not elect to simply take another hit of crystal and wait until the hour of McNuggets was upon her. Her initial demand that the drive thru attendant “speak McNuggets into her hands” implies that she may have already maxed out her meth quotient for the morning

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  • :11 – This is probably the only logical moment in Dushane’s rant. Coming from a food service background myself I understand that it simply isn’t practical for a kitchen of that size to be prepared to offer both breakfast and lunch options in the same time frame, leading me to believe that the attendant’s answer of “because we don’t” to be unsatisfactory.

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  • :18 – Dushane exits the car. Doesn’t she know that this is a drive thru?

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  • :38 – Attempting to transcribe the events in the previous 20 seconds of this video would be an exercise in futility. The most important note comes ultimate form, but we don’t know what that is yet. For the sake of brevity I will merely quote the McDonald’s Manager: “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Melody, “Whoa, whoa, whoa.”

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  • :46 – Dushane vividly describes her intent to eat the employee’s “fucking face”, digest it, and spit it out into the gutter. Perhaps she is a poet.

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  • 1:00 – Dushane threatens to go “super saiyan” referencing the power usually reserved for characters from Dragon Ball Z. However this contradicts her previous statement of threatening to enter her final form. Dragon Ball Z’s hero, Goku, attains super Saiyan status, while only Goku’s nemesis Freiza attains an “ultimate form”. Freiza is a weird white and purple man-lady with super strength, a description more fitting of Dushane. (God I hope I got these DBZ references right.)

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  • 1:07 – Oh good, Dushane is getting back into her car, she must be ready to leave.

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  • 1:13 – Just kidding.

I’d like to criticize Dushane for her actions, but is she really so different from any other grouchy, hungry, restaurant customer? Most people limit their McDonald’s experience to monthly shame-filled solo-lunches, but who are we to judge Dushane for wanting to more?

PS: This video is dubbed (fake audio).