In the US, teen pregnancy is down and the reason may be Big Sean. According to Genius, the Detroit rapper’s discography contains a whopping 19 condom references, which would be a lot for a sex ed teacher. To find out what the deal is with noted sex-haver, Big Sean’s obsession with the contraceptive, to prevent pregnancy and more important STDs, which you can take tests for, the competition in this case if beneficial for end customer, honestly there are not that many nationwide STD testing providers to pick from
Song: “All Me”
Line: “I’m the type to have a bulletproof condom, and still gotta pull out”
Gross or silly: Silly
Sean’s take on condoms: He needs the best one, and even then his sperm is too potent to trust bulletproof kevlar. It’s simply not worth taking that chance.
Song: “B Boy”
Line: “Yeah, and she tryna fuck me raw, unprotect, but if I don’t have that rubber on it I feel under dressed”
Gross or Silly: Silly
Sean’s take on condoms: Women are trying to have my child, which is why I must treat condoms as if they were another part of my wardrobe, albeit a protective part. Like a helmet.
Song: “All Night”
Line: “From a place that’s so unprotected. Need more than a condom”
Gross or Silly: Dumb
Sean’s take on condoms: Condoms are important because they protect me from diseases and unwanted pregnancy which can happen when I have sex. But here’s the catch, they don’t protect from the dangerous neighborhood in which I grew up. Funny how life works out like that.
Song: “Beware”
Line: “How the fuck you run around with condoms?”
Gross or Silly: Self-reflective
Sean’s take on condoms: My girl knows I am in ownership of condoms, which would suggest that I intend to have sex with girls who are not her. I probably shouldn’t have bought those condoms. Love is complicated.
Song: “Crazy”
Line: “Pokin’ holes off in the condoms tryna have a baby ass”
Gross or Silly: Self-important
Sean’s take on condoms: Bitches is crazy. They will go to great lengths to have my child.
Song: “Freestyle on Funkmaster Flex”
Line: “Bad bitch; condom tastin, 4/5 compilation, never give em conversation”
Gross or Silly: Gross
Sean’s take on condoms: Girls give me oral sex while I have a condom on sometimes.
Song: “High Rise”
Line: “All my money counted, all my rubbers skintight”
Gross or Silly: Gross
Sean’s take on condoms: I have a big penis, and thus, my condoms fit snug. Also, the rubber bands I use to organize my money are nearing a breaking point.
Song: “Looking for Trouble”
Line: “I leave females in my sheets, and all my feelings in a rubber”
Gross or Silly: Both
Sean’s take on condoms: I have trouble communicating with women because the only feelings I have are sexual ones, and they are currently deposited in a condom in the form of ejaculate.
Song: “Mona Lisa”
Line: “I believe in God and rubbers”
Gross or Silly: Silly
Sean’s take on condoms: I don’t think you guys comprehend how important condoms are to me. As a sexually active person who wants to continue being sexually active with multiple women, condoms are as important to me as a the Judeo-Christian God. Condoms and God, those are the big two, and there’s a big drop off after that. I recognize the irony that many Christian faiths do not condone the use of contraceptive, but those who practice monogamy do not have the same active sex life as I do, and for that I apologize.
Song: “Mula Remix”
Line: “Condom on ‘fo I go to work, that’s my uniform”
Gross or Silly: Really silly
Sean’s take on condoms: I have so much sexual intercourse, it’s like its my job. And like any job, there’s a certain dress code that must be upheld by all employees.
Song: My Closet
Line: “I’ll fuck your bitch with a Louis Vuitton condom”
Gross or Silly: So silly
Sean’s take on condoms: Not only will I have sex with your girlfriend, I will do so with an unnecessarily lavish condom made by a luxury brand that doesn’t make condoms.
Song: Nothing Is Stopping You
Line: Thank God Almighty condoms were invented
Gross or Silly: C’mon man
Sean’s take on condoms: Condoms are so crucial to my life, they could’ve only been the creation of an almighty deity, for whom I must thank.
Song: Platinum and Wood
Line: What happened to those days? I really do wonder/ when all I did was safe sex, latex, the first time I slipped up, wished I had a homemade AIDS test /fuck, but I ain’t flunk once
Gross or Silly: Stupid
Sean’s take on condoms: Life was much simpler back when I wasn’t having so much sex. Nowadays it’s not as easy to always remember to wear a condom. There was this one time I forgot and was T R I P P I N G about it, because surely any time you have sex without a condom you get AIDS. But, me? Nope, I’ve never contracted the AIDS virus. How about that?
Song: Quickie Remix
Line: I’m rubbered up because your bitch raining
Gross or Silly: Gross
Sean’s take on condoms: I’m having sex with your girl and must wear a condom while I do because she is very sexually aroused. These things are related, I swear.
Song: Racks Remix
Line: I take em to the crib and leave our future in a condom
Gross or Silly: Mostly silly, also gross
Sean’s take on condoms: Girl we could’ve really been something if I didn’t insist we use a condom to ensure we are not legally bound to one another in any way. Nice.
Song: Slight Work
Line: The only thing between me and your bitch is a latex
Gross or Silly: Super gross
Sean’s take on condoms: You may think you are what’s stopping me from being one with your girl, but in fact, the only barrier between us is this sliver of latex.
Song: Story to Tell
Line: But when I reached for that magnum/ Shit, that’s when she got mad and/ Said, “Sean I wanna feel you like I used to baby and not this plastic” I said /”Bitch it ain’t like how it had been I don’t know where you had been, /I won’t end up like Magic /I promised Mama I would never end up like Magic.
Gross or Silly: Embarrassing
Sean’s take on condoms: Ex-girlfriends would prefer we have sex without a condom as it feels better, however because we are no longer in a monogamous relationship, I must assume that you have the AIDS virus.
Song: Till I Die
Line: Still rockin Louis Vuitton cause I’m so fuckin in style
Gross or Silly: Silly
Sean’s take on condoms: I dont just have sex, I have sex with an imagined designer condom because I’m very brand-loyal.
Song: The One
Line: I’m double X L n*gga: magazine and condom size
Gross or Silly: Gross
Sean’s take on condoms: My penis is size XXL. I swear.
What have we learned? Big Sean has had sex.
