There’s obviously been a lot of news coming out of the Kardashian-Jenner household lately. Two huge stories at least: The Porsche-led arrival of Caitlyn Jenner and Kim’s announcement that she and Kanye are expecting a new baby. Now, adding more to the family stew, news broke Tuesday that Kim might actually be carrying twins, “but wants Caitlyn to have her moment,” sources say. While Kim denies the allegations, frankly, I’ve grown exhausted. Keeping up with the Kardashians is deep, deep sarcasm anyway.
— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) June 3, 2015
One thing’s for sure, though. The amount of creative real estate available to naming twins is right up a guy like Kanye’s alley. He and Kim have a daughter named North West, and I doubt they’d go full-on “Share a Coke” with their second child’s name, let alone a twinning second and third.
Kanye is rarely creative in ways that are completely esoteric; he’s more eclectic in how he derives his ideas. And whatever you feel about Kim, much of her career could be thought of as a sum of other people’s parts. “North West,” for a human, may have struck many as taboo, but it never had mystery; it made sense given her parents. I kept this and other variables in mind as I attempted to hijack the creative wheel of arguably the most significant couple in the world, and stab at a few possible names for little Yeezy Season 2 (and 3?):
Autumn / Winter West (Twins: Girl, Girl)
So many knots tied here. Obviously there’s the nod to fashion, a space increasingly lodged by pop-celebrity and difficult to talk about without mentioning either Kim or Kanye. Then there’s the whole geographical climate thing going on with a North, Winter pairing. Tether this with Ye’s zero fucks about layering and rocking heavy garments even in the summer, and we might be on to something.
It’s clear that the Autumn/Winter fashion window is Kanye’s personal favorite, so why not pitch Autumn and Winter West to Kim as names for their new twin daughters? Kinda sounds cool. We’d probably never see that ugly “and” written out, though. Somewhere in the near future, there’s a Hypebeast writer reporting about Kanye’s bid to have the slash be the official conjunction when referencing his daughters in writing. Maybe big bro Jay Z could provide some backing, considering his proven track record as a punctuator – having offed that hyphen and all.
Matte West (Boy)
A few weeks ago, Kanye was spotted at a McDonald’s drive-thru in his matte black Lamborghini Aventador that he’s owned for some time now. He’s ever been one of those rappers you’d see in a McFlurry of different whips, but a quick Google search of “Kanye cars” should show his steady diet for the matte aesthetic through the years.
So, Matte West? Let’s not forget that still-hypothetical auntie Kylie owns not only a murdered out G-Wagon, but a Range Rover as well. You can buy these at Walmart, so just imagine what the first male heir to the Throne will be pulling up next to grandma Caitlyn in by age 4.
Ralphy and Lauren West (Twins: Boy, Girl)
Everyone points to the polos and rugby shirts when revisiting Kanye’s hip-hop emergence in the early 2000s. It’s no secret that Ralph Lauren, the designer and brand, has been one of his foremost muses since the dawn of The College Dropout. Kanye met his idol for the first time during this year’s New York Fashion Week and had all but a Michael and Vito Corleone moment with him. “This is my son,” Ralph said, hand on Ye’s cheek. “I knew it!” he responded. “I knew Ralph was my daddy!”
In a weird way, Ralph (“Ralphy” until first post-college job) and Lauren would be the perfect surrogate “Jr.” for a set of West twins, as it keeps a pseudo-bloodline going with the added bonus of, well, not being a Jr. If for some reason Kim and Kanye do go with regular names, it would have to serve some greater purpose such as this.
Furthermore, doesn’t a Ralph Lauren polo exemplify many of the things you’d want your son and daughter to be? Close-knit, reliable, vibrant and colorful, ideally fit for any situation or event life throws at them? I sure as hell think so.